I am trapped. I am trapped cold, alone, naked, and sick in a cave. There is only one entrance to the cave five feet above me, and by its lowly light I can see my surroundings. On all sides, slippery smooth granite walls, wet from an eternal rain shower, whose water does not fill the cave but simply goes down cracks in the floor. I stretch out my arms reaching for the light, and my hands slip and slide off the walls. I jump, hit, run, and reach and am no closer to the top, still always a finite distance away, which might as well be infinite for I will never reach the top.
I shiver in the cold, and cough up blood; I will die in here. There is no hope of escape, no chance of reaching out. I am here cold, alone, and naked, all my flaws wide visible, no spot in the cave to hide, no chance to escape my shame. And so I lay upon the ground, my head upon the hard rock, and submit to my deadly fate.
As the world around begins to dim, and my death is assured, the light above slowly fades, to reappear….here! Within the cave! Upon the cold ground of the cave is the sum of all light, full of grace and love. My eyes burn in pain, and I weep that I should be found this way, I pray for a quick death to not suffer anymore, when the coldness passes away, my sickness drains, and a garment falls upon my skin.
I look down upon myself and see I wear a robe of purest white. Warmth fills my body, and I feel the sickness pass away, and I turn to see behind me another man has entered within. He now kneels naked, shivering cold, and shaking with illness. He looks directly at my eyes, his eternal grey, and stands. A smile so sorrowful and yet so loving fills his face and he speaks with words soft as whispers, “Give me your foot and let me lift you up and out of this cave.”
I know not why, but I am brought to call him Lord and say, “No lord, no I will not leave you here. Here have this robe of mine!”
“You do not know what you say,” the Lord speaks, “that robe is mine, and I have given it to you, and thus I am naked. I healed you, and so I am sick. I warmed you, and so I am cold, and now I will lift you that I may die.”
“No Lord!” I sob and cry, my face buries in his naked chest, “I cannot let you Lord! You do not deserve this, you have done nothing deserving, and I have done everything!”
He looks at me and sighs. Without asking again he lifts me up and out of the cave. And as I turn to look back within, I see him fall upon the ground and he breathes his last. My Lord has died that I might live. My God traded spaces that I would not be away from him. Praise be to God. Amen
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Ash Wednesday
As I begin the slow and painful descent from the mountain of the Transfiguration into the valley of Lent I am struck by darkness, a deeper and darker night than any other Lent before. Maybe it is because I am in a deeper wilderness here, or maybe it is because the Church lacks the same presence here, or maybe night is finally falling, the night when no man can work.
While the world moves on with its daily life, and unfortunately much of the church does the same, I find myself wallowing in the ashes, the shards of my life strewn about like so many shattered pots and the truth "from dust you are and to dust you will return" echoing in my ears like a ghostly toning bell, reminding me of a quote from Donne, "never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee."
A cacophony of eerie ringing resounds in the night as all are brought to dust and ash. All are laid low in the deadly night, sin their mortal wound. Ash Wednesday is a day of reflection upon the dark state of humanity without Christ. Without Christ we are all dust, we are all dead, we are all nothing. As the imposition of ashes occurs we shout and fall down acknowledging that we are not good enough, smart enough, brave enough. We acknowledge that we are dead and lost without Christ.
Very few people seem to like Ash Wednesday, and the season of Lent in general. Lent is a time of dark and sorrowful wandering in the wilderness of our own souls. Lent calls us to stop our busy self distracting, self destructive lives and take stock of who and what we are and to see in stark clarity all our flaws, failings, and setbacks. Lent is not fun, it is not happy, but it is true. We are all lost in a dark and frightening wilderness of our own souls, and in Lent we come to realize and acknowledge that we are powerless, broken, and helpless.
And because we are all dead and helpless, Christ came down and was incarnate, and met us in our darkness, met us in our helplessness, and traded places with us. Let us ponder these 40 days on where we are without Christ, and acknowledge all those dark and secret things that plagues us, and let us lay them down on the altar of our broken selves, and praise God for sending His one and only Son to die for us. Let us prepare for that Holy Mystery in which Life died that we may live, and continually remember that we are all dust and ash without Him who died for us all. Amen
While the world moves on with its daily life, and unfortunately much of the church does the same, I find myself wallowing in the ashes, the shards of my life strewn about like so many shattered pots and the truth "from dust you are and to dust you will return" echoing in my ears like a ghostly toning bell, reminding me of a quote from Donne, "never send to know for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee."
A cacophony of eerie ringing resounds in the night as all are brought to dust and ash. All are laid low in the deadly night, sin their mortal wound. Ash Wednesday is a day of reflection upon the dark state of humanity without Christ. Without Christ we are all dust, we are all dead, we are all nothing. As the imposition of ashes occurs we shout and fall down acknowledging that we are not good enough, smart enough, brave enough. We acknowledge that we are dead and lost without Christ.
Very few people seem to like Ash Wednesday, and the season of Lent in general. Lent is a time of dark and sorrowful wandering in the wilderness of our own souls. Lent calls us to stop our busy self distracting, self destructive lives and take stock of who and what we are and to see in stark clarity all our flaws, failings, and setbacks. Lent is not fun, it is not happy, but it is true. We are all lost in a dark and frightening wilderness of our own souls, and in Lent we come to realize and acknowledge that we are powerless, broken, and helpless.
And because we are all dead and helpless, Christ came down and was incarnate, and met us in our darkness, met us in our helplessness, and traded places with us. Let us ponder these 40 days on where we are without Christ, and acknowledge all those dark and secret things that plagues us, and let us lay them down on the altar of our broken selves, and praise God for sending His one and only Son to die for us. Let us prepare for that Holy Mystery in which Life died that we may live, and continually remember that we are all dust and ash without Him who died for us all. Amen
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Meaningless Physics
"'Meaningless, meaningless' says the teacher" or rather the student, in this case.
As most of you may know I am working on my PhD in physics, and as some of you know I am doing it at a secular institution, where as my undergrad was at a "Lutheran" university. The question of Valpo's Lutheran affiliation aside, there were still plenty of strong Christians there who influenced me deeply, and it is in these thoughts of comparison that I come to find physics absolutely meaningless and depressing.
Physics in an of itself is not evil or bad. It is the study of the created world, and if we take that Creation is good than the study of it cannot be inherently wrong. Instead the philosophy which dwells behind the physics of today makes it wicked, the paradigm by which modern physics views the world contaminates it and makes it worthless.
To put it flatly and as controversial as possible, physics which denies the Trinity and His work within the universe is worthless and a meaningless endeavor. Now there are plenty of ways to argue the point, but the one I wish to consider now is that of experience. In undergrad when I was studying physics in a Christian atmosphere, where a base axiom was that the Trinity works in the world, physics was beautiful. Physics described the universe, and in doing so instilled a wonder of creation and therefore the Creator. Physics done in the Christian sense also acknowledged that there are things that exist outside of our human experience and therefore we recognized eternity and realized that this material world is not all there is. Physics actually mattered then. Rather than it being the study of something that will cease and is fleeting, we were studying something solid, eternal. Physics in the action of understanding the material instilled insight into the immaterial and therefore the immortal.
But not so in the secular environment. Physics in the secular paradigm is the study of only that which we can perceive, and therefore that which will decay and die, that which will not last, and that which does not matter in the final assessment. If the here and now is all we have, if material existence is it than life is meaningless. Who cares if we understand the universe if that knowledge will just die with us? what does it matter how we act as scientist if there is no ultimate judge? Secular physics is meaningless. In denying the existance of something it cannot explain, it makes itself worthless.
I find studying physics at a secular institution terribly painful and depressing. The predominate paradigm within the department sees only this and nothing beyond, and therefore life is a meaningless toil through terribly painful work to get a degree then a job, accomplish nothing and die and disappear....how can anyone live with the secular view? how aweful! how terrible! And so I find my physics department depressing. Lord open the eyes of the blind that they may have Life and have it abundantly. Amen
As most of you may know I am working on my PhD in physics, and as some of you know I am doing it at a secular institution, where as my undergrad was at a "Lutheran" university. The question of Valpo's Lutheran affiliation aside, there were still plenty of strong Christians there who influenced me deeply, and it is in these thoughts of comparison that I come to find physics absolutely meaningless and depressing.
Physics in an of itself is not evil or bad. It is the study of the created world, and if we take that Creation is good than the study of it cannot be inherently wrong. Instead the philosophy which dwells behind the physics of today makes it wicked, the paradigm by which modern physics views the world contaminates it and makes it worthless.
To put it flatly and as controversial as possible, physics which denies the Trinity and His work within the universe is worthless and a meaningless endeavor. Now there are plenty of ways to argue the point, but the one I wish to consider now is that of experience. In undergrad when I was studying physics in a Christian atmosphere, where a base axiom was that the Trinity works in the world, physics was beautiful. Physics described the universe, and in doing so instilled a wonder of creation and therefore the Creator. Physics done in the Christian sense also acknowledged that there are things that exist outside of our human experience and therefore we recognized eternity and realized that this material world is not all there is. Physics actually mattered then. Rather than it being the study of something that will cease and is fleeting, we were studying something solid, eternal. Physics in the action of understanding the material instilled insight into the immaterial and therefore the immortal.
But not so in the secular environment. Physics in the secular paradigm is the study of only that which we can perceive, and therefore that which will decay and die, that which will not last, and that which does not matter in the final assessment. If the here and now is all we have, if material existence is it than life is meaningless. Who cares if we understand the universe if that knowledge will just die with us? what does it matter how we act as scientist if there is no ultimate judge? Secular physics is meaningless. In denying the existance of something it cannot explain, it makes itself worthless.
I find studying physics at a secular institution terribly painful and depressing. The predominate paradigm within the department sees only this and nothing beyond, and therefore life is a meaningless toil through terribly painful work to get a degree then a job, accomplish nothing and die and disappear....how can anyone live with the secular view? how aweful! how terrible! And so I find my physics department depressing. Lord open the eyes of the blind that they may have Life and have it abundantly. Amen
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Stars
Tonight I watched the movie stardust again, and it got me thinking and wondering. Why did we ever trade the stars for mercury vapor lamps?
Modern man, of which I am one, seems to have this predilection of being miserable with civilization and technology, and yet also miserable when it is not there. I mean I'm writing this on a laptop, connected wirelessly to the internet in my well lit heated apartment. What irony?
We have perfected being miserable, humans have succeeded in figuring out a way to be miserable with something that we are also miserable without. Some days I am reminded of my true longings and my true desires, you know the ones that dwell deep below the surface of selfish ambition and greed, below the obsession with comfort, with peace, the deep ontological desires that are at the very bed rock of being, those that make the "uncivilized" stare into the sky.
Almost all our entertainment speaks of it. Our movies, our books, our music parades around false realities of heros and adventures, and wonderful worlds that are not as dull and boring as everyday life seems to be. Man desires something more, at the very depths of our hearts we know that there is something else, that there is something bigger, something that can fill a hole gaping in ourselves. Most try to hide the hole, some try to close it with things of this world, some deny that it even exists and parade around with there eyes closed and ears shut so as to not notice. But then there are those like me, who tear that hole open larger, deeper, and rest in the terrible pain of longing that ensues. Because pain seems to be the only thing that seems to wake the anesthetized souls up from their mediocre slumber.
Nothing here can fill the void, or satisfy the hunger. All things here either point us to a Reality beyond, which can fulfill, or mask the longing in self deciving lies and pleasures.
I have found myself fascinated....no, obsessed with stars my entire life. Maybe its their otherworldy nature, their beauty, their mystery, their fertile ground for imagination and wonder, or maybe it is because they are the silent watchmen reminding us that this is not all there is. That our existence, our problems our pains, are not all that is. The stars remind us that there is more, that ther is More, a Reality in which we dwell with the One who created the heavens and the earth, the One who knit into us the wonder of the stars, the One who gave us this insatiable longing for more, and the only One whom can ever satisfy our greatest desire.
Lord satisfy me, for You alone can, and let me dance among the stars to the uncreated rhythm and be lost and found in Your infinite Glory.
Modern man, of which I am one, seems to have this predilection of being miserable with civilization and technology, and yet also miserable when it is not there. I mean I'm writing this on a laptop, connected wirelessly to the internet in my well lit heated apartment. What irony?
We have perfected being miserable, humans have succeeded in figuring out a way to be miserable with something that we are also miserable without. Some days I am reminded of my true longings and my true desires, you know the ones that dwell deep below the surface of selfish ambition and greed, below the obsession with comfort, with peace, the deep ontological desires that are at the very bed rock of being, those that make the "uncivilized" stare into the sky.
Almost all our entertainment speaks of it. Our movies, our books, our music parades around false realities of heros and adventures, and wonderful worlds that are not as dull and boring as everyday life seems to be. Man desires something more, at the very depths of our hearts we know that there is something else, that there is something bigger, something that can fill a hole gaping in ourselves. Most try to hide the hole, some try to close it with things of this world, some deny that it even exists and parade around with there eyes closed and ears shut so as to not notice. But then there are those like me, who tear that hole open larger, deeper, and rest in the terrible pain of longing that ensues. Because pain seems to be the only thing that seems to wake the anesthetized souls up from their mediocre slumber.
Nothing here can fill the void, or satisfy the hunger. All things here either point us to a Reality beyond, which can fulfill, or mask the longing in self deciving lies and pleasures.
I have found myself fascinated....no, obsessed with stars my entire life. Maybe its their otherworldy nature, their beauty, their mystery, their fertile ground for imagination and wonder, or maybe it is because they are the silent watchmen reminding us that this is not all there is. That our existence, our problems our pains, are not all that is. The stars remind us that there is more, that ther is More, a Reality in which we dwell with the One who created the heavens and the earth, the One who knit into us the wonder of the stars, the One who gave us this insatiable longing for more, and the only One whom can ever satisfy our greatest desire.
Lord satisfy me, for You alone can, and let me dance among the stars to the uncreated rhythm and be lost and found in Your infinite Glory.
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